Full Moon HIATUS
by Cullenlover25
Summary: What would have happened if Bella had never become friends with Jacob when Edward left her? What if she never got better? What would her life have been like? Interesting twist. Read and review, please. HIATUS!
1. Chapter 1

The hot water rolling down my face felt like tears, but I was not crying. Definitely not. I hadn't felt a prick of any emotion since the core of my existence left town with his family — vowing never to come back. I was numb. And I held on to that numbness like a tank of air at the bottom of the ocean.

He — I couldn't bear to think his name — was my sole reason for existing, my only reason to live. And now that he was gone . . .

Death would have been such an easy out. But I couldn't hurt Charlie like that, couldn't cause Renee so much pain. It seemed a crime to do something so horrific to my loving parents, so I persevered. I couldn't deny my own pain, but I could at least shield Charlie and Renee from it.

I went through life, avoiding any type of activity that would remind me of him. I was careful to leave the room whenever the tv was on. I dumped all my CDs in the trash. Whenever the memories of my last birthday came into my mind unintentionally, I remembered his present to me. I shied away from those memories. All I could do was to get rid of the objects of the pain, the CDs.

The black trash bag in the back of my closet wrenched pictures that had been hidden in the back of my mind forward whenever I glanced at it. I had torn the stereo out of my truck months ago, trying to banish the pain in another failed attempt. The gaping hole in my dashboard resembled the one in my chest.

That first week , which I tried so very hard not to think about, had been so tortuous that I could hardly bear to think about it even now, four months later. I could not eat; I couldn't move. My whole body ached with the pain of recovering from numbness.

The night he left, I remember a damp pain in my limbs. The rest is very foggy, like I had been half asleep for the whole thing.

I guess I should have been grateful for my oblivion, but there was too much that I had to remember, too much that I should have paid more attention to. Like the chiseled plane of his cheekbones, the pale marble of his skin, the velvet texture of his voice . . .

I stopped myself right there. I couldn't afford to break down at this moment. Charlie was waiting for me. I stepped out of the shower and dressed as quickly as possible without injuring myself. It seemed I had become even more clumsy after he left, if that were even possible.

I made dinner with little enthusiasm. Charlie watched me apprehensively while I moved around the kitchen. But I was used to it by now. Ever since that first week, Charlie seemed expectant of something, like he worried that I was going to have a nervous breakdown at any moment. I tried carefully to hide my pain, but it was so intense that sometimes I let it show through. Apparently, my facade hadn't been working, though I should have figured that out a long time ago.

I served Charlie's dinner and sat down across from him. He smiled up at me and started stuffing his face. I couldn't watch.

Eating had never been a problem for me before, but now it faintly disgusted me. Logically, I knew that I would have to eat to stay alive, but illogically, I felt as though I could survive anything but this. As though I could live without food but not without him.

I was jerked back to reality by a sharp pain in my chest. My battered heart was painfully rejecting those kind of thoughts. Charlie was still shoving his supper down. I took a few tentative bites and stood up to take my plate to the sink. "Are you done already?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah." I sighed. Charlie grunted and turned back to his plate. Leaving Charlie to finish his dinner, I headed upstairs to do my biology homework. But I ended up sitting on my bed, letting my mind wander — something I was exceptionally careful not to do. Free time was definitely not on my list of safe activities. I tried to always keep my mind busy. Things tend to come back to you when you're not doing anything, especially painful things. I could not let that happen.

So how did I end up here, with my mind free and open? I hadn't felt like doing my homework, or anything else for that matter. Maybe it was time for a change, never mind how painful that might be.

Why did Charlie worry about me so much? It wasn't like I was showing signs of depression. Or maybe I was, my mask of indifference slowly wearing off as the time passed. But I hadn't missed a day of school since that horrific first week, I had managed to keep up an A in every one of my classes, and I had never broken curfew. I never went anywhere from which to break curfew actually, but that didn't matter. I was being everything a well-behaved teenager should be . . . wasn't I? Charlie didn't seem convinced. I needed to work harder to keep him from realizing my intruding pain. He couldn't be exposed to my nearly insane emptiness.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday again. Torture, more specifically. I really had no need for school anymore. In your senior year, you don't really learn much more than you learned last year. Besides, what kind of future did I have? Obviously not a pleasant one, so I didn't see the need in getting a good education. Any future of mine, whether it involved college or not, was not going to be satisfactory by any standard.

I dressed quickly, adding things to my to-do list as I got ready. I desperately needed to clean my room and the bathroom. They were quickly becoming unbearably disgusting. I settled for doing them after school today --- it would give me something to do.

I went downstairs, not expecting Charlie to be up, but he was sitting at the kitchen table with a pained look on his face. I kept my gaze down as I fixed a bowl of cereal.

"Bella." I jumped at the sound of my name.

"Yeah, dad?"

"We need to talk." I groaned internally.

"Well, I really need to get to school early today . . . " I skimmed through excuses in my head as to why this might be true. I really didn't feel like having a "talk" with my father at that moment.

"It will only take a minute," He grunted. I sighed and collapsed into a chair.

"Okay. What do you need?" I tried to keep the irritation out of my voice, and failed miserably. Charlie raised his eyebrows.

"Bella. You need . . . help. This isn't healthy for you," Charlie pleaded with me. I looked down at my hands. "I think that . . . that maybe going to live with your mom would be the best thing for you," He continued.

"No! You can't send me away," I clenched my hands into fists. "I want to stay here," I whispered roughly.

"Bella. What you're going through . . . Well, I understand." I shook my head furiously. He went on. "I do. Really. But I think you need a break. You're wallowing in your pain. That's not healthy."

I looked up at him. "Just because you're not strong enough to handle stuff like this, doesn't mean I'm not," I whispered, my voice infused with venom. "Now, I have to get to school." I stood up and left the kitchen, pulling my boots on as I stormed out the door.

I drove away from the house in my ancient truck. After a few moments, I had calmed down enough to think through what Charlie had said, and to feel bad for what _I _had said.

I agreed with Charlie on some things. This pain I was trapped in, it _was _unhealthy. But I didn't think that leaving Forks would help one bit. If I lived in a place where I could never imagine _him_, like Florida, I would start doubting that he ever existed. And that I could not survive.

Every part of me was tied to him in some way. That was why I couldn't bear to read the books I used to love, listen to the CDs I had once enjoyed. I couldn't even watch tv without being reminded of him in some way. If I lived in a place where he couldn't exist, like sunny Florida, than _I _couldn't exist there, either. So going to live with Renee was out.

I finally arrived at school then. I pulled into a space and cut the engine. Kids were milling around, talking and laughing with each other. This sent a wave of pain through me. I used to be a part of that. I used to be a happy, smiling person who had friends. Now I had no one.

Kids who used to smile at me in the halls ignored as if I were invisible. My so-called friends, hadn't spoken a word to me in months. Even Mike, my biggest fan at one time, barely looked my way anymore.

But I didn't mind too much. I was much more content to be alone than to have to fake a smile every waking minute of the day.

______________________________________________________________________________

School passed abnormally slowly. I was used to the days passing in a blur, but today seemed to drag on for hours. I was unusually alert today, as opposed to numb and oblivious like I normally was.

I noticed how everyone seemed utterly unaware of me. Even the teachers ignored me, their eyes sliding over me as if I were invisible. It didn't necessarily bother me, but it was definitely unnerving. It seemed such the opposite of my first day at Forks High School. That day, everyone had noticed me, payed attention to me. Now, no one looked my way. I wasn't sure if I enjoyed it or not.

When I got home, I set my bag on the kitchen table and grabbed the cleaning materials from under the sink.

The bathroom was worse than I had thought it was. I didn't mind. It would give me more to do.

As soon as I finished in the bathroom, I went into my bedroom. It wasn't nearly as bad as I remembered it. I sighed and set to work. I was finished in minutes.

My stomach growled angrily, and I remembered I hadn't eaten lunch today. Lunch was possibly the worst part of the day. I didn't like eating, but I was worried someone would notice if I skipped both breakfast and lunch. No one looked at me during lunch, but I forced myself to eat a few bites of whatever the kitchen was serving that day.

I dragged my feet as I slowly lumbered toward the kitchen. This was a part of being human that I fiercely hated. If I were a v—

I stopped myself right there, and continued on to a safer path. If I weren't human, I wouldn't have to eat. I would be freed from the burden.

I grabbed an apple from the basket on the counter and sat down at the table to do my homework. It took a long time, but I kept on until I heard Charlie pull into the driveway. I had forgotten to start dinner.

I jumped up and ran to the fridge, searching for anything I could serve. I found something that looked like a casserole and stuffed it into the microwave.

Charlie entered at that moment, and I spun around. He eyed me warily, so I smiled tentatively at him. "What's for dinner?" He asked.

"Um, leftovers. Is that okay?"

"'Course, Bells." Charlie smiled back at me.

I took the casserole out the microwave and out a portion on Charlie's plate. He was already sitting at the table, so I walked over and set it in front of him. I wrapped up the rest of the food and put it back into the fridge.

"None for you?" Charlie asked apprehensively.

"Uh . . . I had a big lunch." I hoped Charlie didn't notice how false my voice sounded.

"Really." Charlie eyed my suspiciously, but he let it slide. I grabbed my bag and headed toward the stairs. Charlie cleared his throat.

I grabbed my Trig book out of the bag and held it over my shoulder. "Homework." I called.

Once in my room, I set my bag on the bed. No need to let Charlie know I had already finished all my homework. I collapsed in the rocking chair in the corner of my bedroom and pulled out my worn copy of_ Wuthering Heights. _I turned to a page near the middle of the book and began reading_. _Soon, I was lost in the book.

Charlie clumped loudly up the stairs. I jumped and the book slid out of my hand and landed on the floor. I suspected it was late. Usually, Charlie didn't come upstairs until it was time to go to bed. I stood up and opened my door. Charlie was at the opposite end of the short hall, almost at his bedroom door. I turned toward the stairs. "Where are you going?" I jumped at the sound of Charlie's voice. I hadn't expected him to speak.

"Umm . . . the dishes?" It came out as a question.

"Don't worry about it. I got 'em," Charlie assured me.

"Okay . . ."

"'Night, Bells."

"'Night, Dad." I went back into my room and closed the door. That was odd. Charlie was not a lazy man, but he didn't usually do the dishes. I went over to the rocking chair and picked my book up. A small, folded piece of paper slid out between two of the pages and landed on the floor. I bent over and picked it up. I unfolded it uncertainly. I turned it over and stared at the writing. And elegant script filled the page. My heartbeat sped up unevenly.

"Bella," The note said.

"I am so excruciatingly sorry that I left you. I thought it was for the best. You couldn't see what I saw. You didn't notice how much I was doing to you. I saw what it did to you when I left to go hunting. I was hurting you. But now I see. I hurt you in an inexcusable way when I left. Please do not think that I don't love you. I love you more than I ever have before, now that I have experienced losing you. When I come back, I will love you more every day that I see you, and even more when I don't see you. I will always love you more than anyone in the world has loved someone else. You are my one true love. I promise I will never leave again.

"I will come back. In my own time. I did not leave because I had ceased to love you. I left in my own selfishness. I left because I thought it would do us both good. But now I see it did the absolute opposite. I promise you I will come back. If I can, I will bring my family back with me. I know that are aching to see them, too. Please, always know that I love you. Wait for me. I _will _come back."

I couldn't understand why there were black smudges on the page until I realized I was crying. Tears were rolling off my cheeks and dripping onto the paper. I fell to the floor, gasping and sobbing.

This could not be real. Someone must have forged the note. But who would do that to me? Someone who sincerely hated me and wanted me to suffer incomprehensible pain, I reasoned. But_ who_?

Surely no one could hate me that much. I hadn't done anything to anyone. So the note must have been real. He must have written it.

I jerked awake, my head pounding. I didn't know how long I had been out. I didn't even know I _had _been asleep. I sat up and felt the piece of paper still clutched tightly in my hand. The memories of the moments before I drifted off came flooding back. New tears pooled in my eyes. I wasn't sure why I was crying. I didn't feel sad.

I was shocked as realization flooded my mind. I was _happy._ My angel — Edward — was coming back. I marveled at how easily it was to think his name. I would get to see him again, contrary to his earlier promise.

I stood up dizzily. I felt lighter, airy with my happiness. _Edward is coming back_, I repeated in my head over and over. I threw my school bag to the floor and changed into pajamas.

Then I collapsed onto my bed and nestled under the covers. _Edward is coming back. _A dreamy smile lit up my face, and for the first time in four months, I slept free of nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

I awoke slowly the next morning. Dim light slanted in through my window. My eyes stopped on a small piece of paper resting ominously on my bedside table. All the memories of last night flooded over me.

At first, I refused to believe, to hope. But I recognized the beautiful script on the page, impossible to copy. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I seemed early and late at the same time. I didn't feel up to going to school, but I slid out of bed and threw some clothes on. School was not a priority at that moment, but it was essential to my careful facade. I couldn't let anyone know what was going on.

I wanted to keep this beautiful secret to myself for as long as possible. I knew I would eventually have to tell someone, but for now, it was all mine.

I went to shower and brush my teeth, but I could hardly concentrate. I had more important things on my mind. Edward was coming back. I had to focus on that.

The anticipation was almost painful. It burned in my chest as I drove to school. I couldn't know how long it would be before we were together again, but I couldn't stop myself from hoping it would be soon. Insanely soon. As in, I desperately hoped he would be at school that day. My hopes were short-lived. He was not at school.

I noticed when I drove into the parking lot. There was no silver Volvo anywhere. My chest ached with an echo of my previous, long-term agony when I didn't see him. I had intended to speak to someone that day, preferably Angela or Mike, but I retreated into my own head when I realized I was alone; not alone in the usual way, but alone in a very real sense nonetheless.

I spent first and second period combing through my memories. It seemed I had lost so much these past few months. I had deliberately blocked out any memories I had of him, and they were all but lost in the process. I went through the memories I did have.

I once again saw his face in my mind; his pale, frigid skin, smooth as marble and white as ivory. I pictured the liquid gold of his eyes, capable of melting any person he turned them on. For the most part, that person was me, but occasionally my friends would be — _had been _— incapacitated by his eyes. I saw his perfect cheekbones, the straight, flawless nose, the ivory span of his forehead, and his untidy bronze hair, glinting in the sunlight. Thinking of sunlight brought on a whole new round of memories, these ones centered on how he looked in the sunlight, how he glittered as if made out of diamonds, only much more beautiful.

I sat alone at lunch, as usual, but I felt less alone than I had in months. Edward was coming back for me. He loved me, and we would be together again. Hopefully forever, this time.

I held on to the flawed images of him in my mind, and the day passed relatively quickly. I was home before I realized I had been driving. Not exactly the safest situation, but I was glad I had made it home unscathed. I climbed the stairs and went straight to my computer. Renee had been relentlessly e-mailing me for the past two weeks, and she was going to go into a frenzy if I didn't reply soon.

I smiled as I typed my generic message. Then I stopped and erased everything I had written. I might as well put a little feeling into the message. I ended with _Love, Bella_ and hit send.

I went to sit on my bed and wrapped my arms around my legs. I didn't like waiting. I wasn't sure how long I was going to have to do so, but I was willing to wait for months if that's what it took.

I suddenly remembered the gifts my mother and father had given me for my last birthday. I shuddered to think about that fateful day, but I thought about the harmless presents I had received. A camera and a scrapbook, I recalled. I knew what I had taken pictures of, and I suddenly yearned for my scrapbook.

There were pictures of Edward in it, and I desperately needed to see his face without the blurry confines of my memory. But I knew that most of the pictures had been taken right before he left — I forced myself to think the word — and I didn't think I was ready to see the cold look in his eyes that I remembered.

I would have to make do with my memory.


	4. Chapter 4

I waited. And waited. I occupied myself with the idea that someday I would actually, in reality, lay my eyes on my own personal angel, my private miracle.

It was an agonizingly long time for me, but I did not give up hope. I trusted that Edward would come back to me. He wouldn't lie in his note; what reason did he have to not tell me the truth?

I was sitting on my bed with my arms around my legs. I had been contemplating how much longer it would be. That was something I tried not to do; it made my stomach hurt and usually gave me a headache. But I had to face it sometimes.

I stretched out my legs and pondered the thought; why in the world would Edward lie? What reason did he have? Was he keeping something from me?

Questions with no answers floated around endlessly in my head. When I actually thought about it, I wasn't sure I wanted to know those answers.

At first, when I had found out that Edward was coming back, I was so excited that I didn't have room for any other emotions. I simply floated along, content with the idea that an angel who had no business being in my life was returning to me. But now that I had gotten over the ecstatic shock, I had the mental capacity to contain other things.

Like worry. Worry was the feeling that had settled into the pit of my stomach and refused to leave. I painfully wondered what it would be like when I first saw him again. Would it be awkward? Primarily, I had agonized over the worry that we wouldn't know how to act around each other, like two mid-puberty teenagers. Then I realized, _This is Edward_.There was absolutely no way to be awkward around him, since I had revealed every secret I had harbored to him. He simply knew me better than anyone, and I him. So I ruled out awkwardness.

_Sad_. That was my other worry. Would he be so disgusted with himself when he saw my diminished appearance that permanent gloom would settle over him? I knew that if Edward was unhappy, there was no way I could be anything but miserable, too. I hadn't let the numbness from my previous catatonic state blow over completely, so I really had no idea what I looked like. I rarely looked in the mirror, and when I did, I couldn't really see anything; it was like a light film covered my eyes.

But other times, I realized that no matter our greeting, we would still be together. I usually thought about this when I was in my most optimistic state, but even now, in my more pessimistic state, I realized that it was true. Did it matter how we greeted each other, as long as we were together?

I thought more about us together, the way we used to be. To others, it might seem like a very complicated relationship; a fragile, human girl, and a glorious vampire boy, in a complicated romance/horror movie.

But that was what other people thought. I never once considered my life with Edward like a horror movie, though I was sure he did. I thought of it more as a fairy tale.

The basis for our relationship was love; I loved him, and he loved me, no matter how absurd it seemed. I was only too aware of how utterly _good _he was; I was most definitely not what he deserved.

I opened my eyes. I hadn't realized I was asleep. I reconsidered that thought; I didn't think I was asleep, just lost in an over-thinking stupor. My mind had been running all over the place for what seemed hours. I turned and checked my clock. It had been only ten minutes. Impossible. I was sure I had been laying on my bed for at least an hour.

I sat up and swung my feet to the floor. I continued downstairs to the kitchen to eat breakfast. It was raining, of course, a depressing drizzle that pounded against the house. I sat down at the table with my cereal. Charlie had already left for work. Like I needed alone time.

This thought condoned a sense of shock in me; it had been months since I had craved human company.

I suddenly remembered back to the after I found Edward was returning; I had planned to speak to someone that day. Maybe today was my day to get back into the small community of friends I had acquired at Forks High School. It was comprised of Mike Newton, Angela Weber, her boyfriend Ben Cheney, and Eric Yorkie. Even Jessica Stanley, my first friend in this inconsequential town of Forks, had crossed over to the dark side, joining Lauren Mallory in her quest to eliminate me.

Okay, well, I was exaggerating a little, but those were the only words that would describe the unearned hatred that Lauren harbored for me.

I emptied my bowl and yanked my boots on. The rain had slowed to an annoying mist that saturated my hair and drifted into my jacket. I climbed into my truck and cranked on the heat, drying locks of my hair in the warm flow of air.

The drive to school was a little depressing. I was nervous about my eventful day ahead, and the foggy rain made it worse. The trees that surrounded Forks in every direction seemed more ominous in the mist.

I wasn't sure how Angela and Mike would react to me actually talking again. I had been so antisocial the past few months that they might have moved on from me without a backward glance. This flustered me to no end. I sincerely hoped that they hadn't given up on me completely.

I kept my head down as I stumbled through the front doors, my boot catching a book and causing me to trip. My shoulders hunched as I slid my heavy jacket off and stuffed it into my bag. It was uncomfortably warm in the school that day; I wasn't sure if it was my nervousness or not. Maybe the teachers had finally realized that the school was not meant to be a freezer.

First and second period passed in a blur. I think it was my anticipation; I had third period with Angela.

I hurried to class, wanting to catch Angela before Mr. Varner entered the classroom. I stood in the doorway for a moment when I reached the class, breathing deeply; there she was, sitting so innocently in her seat near the front of the room.

Someone abruptly shoved me from behind and I stumbled forward. No one looked up. I approached Angela's seat slowly. I was glad my seat was near her's, or it might have looked a little funny. I set my books on the desk in front of me loudly. Angela looked up but did not smile. I wasn't intimidated; her look wasn't unfriendly, it was concerned.

She looked back down at her desk quickly, and I took that moment to approach and settle into the seat next to her. Her head snapped up and her eyes were shocked, alarmed. I hadn't realized that I had made such a negative impression on everyone.

I smiled tentatively; my lips cracked. Angela's eyes softened and a faint, timid smile curved her lips upward.

"Uh . . . hey, Angela." She looked shocked that I had spoken but replied anyway.

"Hi, Bella. How are you?" She asked compassionately. My eyes suddenly filled with moisture; her uncalled for kindness shot me through with sadness and gratitude. I hadn't expected her to react so warmly with me; I was abruptly glad that I had become better friends with Angela than I had with Jessica.

"Better, I think." I blinked the tears out of my eyes and answered her gentle question.

She nodded. "That's great. It's so good to have you back . . . You are back, right?"

"I think so." I hoped my eyes showed her that I wanted to be back. I had been alone for too long.

She nodded again, and smiled. Mr. Varner came into the room at that moment, so I got up and paced slowly back to my seat. I was proud of myself. I had actually spoken to someone, and that someone didn't hate me. I smiled at Angela one last time before Mr. Varner began his mind-numbing lecture.


	5. Chapter 5

Time passed slowly. The painful anticipation consumed my entire being. Whenever I thought of him, my blood pulsed and my breathing sped up erratically, like he was actually there. That was how bad it was. His note was wrinkled and smudged from being read and re-read over and over.

Sometimes, I would lay in my bed, unthinking, and just wait. I couldn't explain it; I was just waiting, biding my time. I occasionally hummed what I could remember of my lullaby, but it didn't sound nearly as magical in my rough voice.

I dreamt of him. Every night, he occupied the focus of my dreams. Sometimes, I woke up crying, stunned by the fierce intensity of my dream. But most of the time, I woke up with my heart beating at an unhealthy rate, my hands shaking. He was even more beautiful in my dreams. My subconscious had stored away a perfect copy of him, while my conscious mind could hardly dredge up blurry images of his face.

I continued to speak to Angela, but I didn't spend my free time with her. I still preferred to be alone, free to retreat into my thoughts. Of course, I had to deal with Charlie as always, but I had discovered ways of keeping him happy without too much effort on my part. A scrumptious dinner was always a good start, while asking him about his day and supplying a few sentences about mine finished the conversation. Then I proceeded to explain to him that I had a lot of homework to do.

I cleaned up after dinner — unless Charlie acted on a whim to do dishes — and headed up to my room to do "homework", which I had conveniently finished earlier that afternoon. I suppose my daily life would have been unbearably monotonous to any other person, but I was content.

I had just finished with my Satisfy Charlie routine and was laying on my bed, my eyes closed, when I heard a knock on the front door. I jumped up quickly, blinking for a moment as the dizziness came and left, and hurried down the stairs toward the front door. Charlie had just gotten up from the recliner — I was surprised at how fast I had moved. He sat back down and looked at me. I turned back to the door and pulled it open. A tall shape filled the doorway.

"Billy!" I jumped at the sound of my father's voice. Billy rolled out from behind the tall shape and entered with a big smile on his face.

"Jacob?" I asked. Jacob stepped inside with a smile to match his father's.

"Hey, Bella." Jacob's husky voice had gotten deeper. I closed the door behind him and followed the small group into the kitchen. What with Jacob's insane growth spurt, the small kitchen was a little crowded. I went to stand in front of the refrigerator, as far away as possible from the table where Jacob, Billy, and Charlie had crowded.

"How've you been, Billy?" Charlie asked loudly.

"Good, good. You?" Billy answered.

"Better, since Bella's been back." Charlie smiled at me. Billy and Jacob turned to look at me, too, and I blushed. Jacob's eyes lingered on me for a moment, then he turned to look at Charlie again. I stared off into space.

Billy and Charlie chatted for awhile before Jacob came to stand next to me. I could feel the warmth radiating off of his body in waves. I scooted a few inches away from him.

"So . . . What have you been doing lately?" Jacob asked lamely. I had to crane my neck to look up at him.

"Oh, nothing really. The usual," I said impassively. "Wow, you've gotten really tall," I added. He grinned.

"Six-four."

"Wow. It's been so long since I've seen you. What have _you _been doing lately?" I saw a faint gleam in his eyes for a moment before he answered.

"Oh, same-old, same-old. Just hanging out with my friends most of the time." I studied his face. He looked like he wanted to tell me more.

"That's . . . cool. So, does your dad still believe those crazy old Quileute legends?" It was a sad attempt at humor. I'd been out of practice too long.

Jacob's reaction to my question caught me off guard. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared in something that could only be compared to anger.

"Um . . . yeah." I could tell he had trouble saying the words calmly. I pursed my lips and nodded. I decided not to say any more on the subject.

Jacob was silent, too. I felt my thoughts straying in the direction of a certain beautiful vampire, but I made no attempt to keep them locked in reality.

Jacob sighed, and I jumped. I had forgotten he was there.

"Oh — Um, did you want something to eat? I totally forgot, sorry." Jacob looked up at me with incredulous eyes. "We finished with dinner before you guys came . . ." I explained.

"No, it's okay. We ate before we came."

"Oh, okay." I answered. I didn't say anymore. I couldn't think of anything appropriate to break the awkward silence.

After a few minutes, I sighed and headed toward the living room. I had just sat down on the couch, intending to do nothing, when Charlie lurched out of his seat at the kitchen table. I realized that Billy and Jacob were leaving, and stood up again. Charlie walked Billy to the door, which I had already opened, Jacob following behind.

I locked eyes with Billy for a moment, stunned by the intensity of his gaze, but then he smiled warmly and turned back to Charlie. I took that as my opportunity to say goodbye to Jacob. I turned to him and smiled tentatively. He grinned back, all evidence of awkwardness vanished.

"Bye, Jacob," I called as he walked out the door.

"Bye, Bella," he answered. "I . . ." Jacob hesitated.

"Yeah?" I prompted.

"Never mind," he said, shaking his head as he walked toward the car.

I closed the door, and shook my head, too. Something weird was going on with Jacob, something he wanted to tell me, but for some infuriating reason, didn't. I wondered if it was something serious, or something trivial. It didn't matter. I was still going to find out what it was.

**Okay, I know I said that Bella and Jacob don't become friends in this; well, what I meant was, they don't become **_**good **_**friends. See the difference? So, yeah. Review it, please!**


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, I woke up crying. My pillow was stained with my salty tears, and my eyes burned.

I had dreamed of him again; the dream was absurdly vivid, and it knocked the breath out of me. I could feel it, even when unconscious.

It was a different dream than most of the ones I had experienced recently. Of course, the object of my focus was unchanged, but the atmosphere differed from previous dreams I'd had.

It seemed more ominous, increasingly malevolent. In other dreams, I had felt light, happy, content. In this particular dream, I felt frightened and insecure. At first, I wasn't sure what caused this fateful change.

Then I realized where we were standing.

The damp forest stretched outward around us, dimming the light. Ferns were scattered all over the forest floor, creating a blanket of thick green. Edward seemed to glow in the faint light, as beautiful as ever, but a grim expression tainted his glorious face.

This was the day that he had left me.

I tried to run, but my legs were numb. I tried to scream, anything to get away from this place, this moment, but I stood silent and motionless; frozen.

I closed my eyes and tried to block out any sound, not wanting to hear his next words. I felt a light, cool touch on my wrist. His hand was outstretched, holding onto my arm lightly. I looked up at him helplessly.

But, to my intense surprise, he smiled my favorite, breathtaking crooked smile. I tried to smile back, but I could only stare in awe. He smile widened, and he moved his hand down to twine his cold fingers with mine. Finally, I could move, and I gripped his hand as tightly as I was able to.

He pulled me toward him, till our faces were inches apart. I could feel his icy breath on my lips, and I smiled faintly. He reached out his other arm to grip my left hand, and we stood like that, staring into each other's eyes.

I felt at ease, the sense of dread gone. His eyes smoldered with liquid gold, stealing my breath. I felt dizzy, and had to remind myself to breath. I inhaled with a rough gasp, tasting his beautiful scent on my tongue.

He unwound his fingers, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my closer. My neck ached, but I didn't want to lower my head and lose sight of his face. I wasn't sure how long we stood like that, but I didn't care if it had been two minutes or twenty hours. We were together.

He did not kiss me, and for that I was glad. As much as I wanted to feel his cold lips against mine, somewhere in the back of my distracted mind I knew it was dream. And I also knew that it would cause me unbearable pain when I thought of it later on. If I had the strength to think about it without breaking down, that is.

I was content to stay there forever, but my body had other ideas. My neck ached from tilted upward for so long. I had to lower my head, but I made up for it by laying it on his cold stone chest. He let me rest for a moment, and then coaxed my face upward with the tip of his cool finger under my chin. He gazed into my eyes and put his hands lightly on both sides of my face. My heart spluttered erratically, and he smiled.

Edward pulled my face slowly closer to his, and I squeezed my eyes shut. As much as I wanted this moment to come sooner, I also didn't want it to happen at all.

Abruptly, he slid his hands away from my face. I opened my eyes and watched him take a step backward with wide eyes. The grim expression had returned.

My eyes grew wider and more alarmed when Edward stepped back again, staring at me with his ocher eyes. I looked at him pleadingly, and he shook his head infinitesimally. I stared, uncomprehending, into his bleak eyes. My heart raced painfully inside my chest, and my eyes stung with tears. I blinked them back.

Suddenly, Edward was moving backward, away from me, but he stood motionless. The forest behind him retreated, too.

So this was the nightmare part of my dream.

The image of him and the forest behind him moved too quickly for me to follow, but I reached out to him, trying to scream his name. Only a rough whisper came out, and the tears flowed freely now. Now, Edward and the forest looked so small and blurry that they might have been on the other side of a large lake. I screamed again, a tortured cry escaping my lips this time.

I blinked my eyes closed, and when I opened them, I was lying tangled in the sheets on my bed.

I waited a few minutes, trying to slow my tears. I was waiting for the pain to come, to wash over me like dark and stormy waters. I didn't need to wait long.

Even without replaying the dream in my head, the agony of it knocked the wind out of me. I sobbed uncontrollably for what seemed hours, then finally collapsed into unconsciousness, shuddering. I did not dream that time, thought echoes of my earlier dream swirled in my head.

I woke up some time later. I was thankful that it was Saturday, that I didn't have to face school with the tortures of my painful night still fresh in my mind. I re-read Edward's note again, to calm myself. It helped a little.

Then I went and took a long, hot shower. It stopped the shudders and unknotted my muscles. I brushed my teeth and went back into my room. It was mid-morning, but I didn't feel hungry, so I settled into my rocking chair with a book. I didn't think about my predicament with Jacob at all.

I was soon lost in the book.

**Okay, bad ending, I know. But I couldn't really figure out a better one, so deal with it. Just kidding! Thank you so much for the awesome reviews, and I'm hoping for more. Tell me if you liked it so far, please!**


	7. Chapter 7

I had intended to call Jacob, but I got distracted by a term paper due in two days. I silently cursed Mr. Varner every time I had to stop what I was doing and go work on it.

After the frightening dream, my life became oddly normal. I sat with Angela at lunch, had mountains of homework to do, and actually listened to some music. Granted, I only took music in small, watered-down doses, but still. I had begun to feel human for the first time in six months.

Time seemed to lurch along, deliberately, but increasingly slowly. I was impatient, more so than ever before; the dream had awakened something in me. It seemed to be a catalyst for my emotions. I was pleased easily, but I was also irritated easily. Charlie stopped watching me so carefully, and finally I felt like a normal teenager. Well, almost. I still didn't go out on Friday nights with other kids or talk much at school, but I felt as normal as was possible for me.

Edward starred in my dreams every night, as usual, but I had no more horrifying ones. Usually, we just stared into each other's eyes, nothing else existing but him and I. Occasionally, we would touch, but only very rarely.

The Edward in my dreams had a mind of his own; it didn't seem like I controlled him at all. I concluded that the reason we didn't make physical contact often was because he thought he had frightened me too badly; he thought that the previous dream had dampened my feelings for him, and he didn't want to scare me by being too sudden. It was hard for even me to explain. Edward had always been absurdly complex.

I lapsed in and out of anxiety about our reunion. I still wasn't sure how either of us would react. I held on to the idea that he was coming back; I sincerely believed it in the deepest pit of my heart. I think that was what kept me from going insane. Every time I felt the pain creeping back in, I would picture his glorious face with the knowledge that this perfect creature was coming back to be with _me_. It was harder to believe than I would have thought possible; I had always known how very incomparable I was to him. I couldn't make it add up. How was I meant for Edward Cullen?

______________________________________________________________________________

The dreams were becoming violent, and frequent. They usually started out harmless and escalated into something that caused me immense pain. One particular one stood out from all the others. It was in no way similar to any of the previous dreams I'd had, even the frightening and violent ones.

This one started off sweetly. Edward and I were ambling slowly through the thick forest, our fingers linked. Our eyes met occasionally, and every single time, I lost my train of thought due to the intensity of his gaze.

Out relationship seemed to be at a turning point; though we were together, we were still unsure about each other. Our real relationship hadn't been like that. Edward and I never took things too quickly, until we were absolutely sure about our feelings for each other.

We continued walking for a time. Surprisingly, I didn't trip at all. I couldn't be sure if it was because the trail was smooth, or if it was the ease I felt while with him. Or maybe it was because the dream was unrealistic. It didn't matter; the cause was irrelevant, but I was glad for the effect. I had always seen my clumsiness as an ailment, and it embarrassed me.

Edward continued glancing in my direction with fierce, but gentle eyes, and I continued blushing when out gazes met. We did not speak, though I sincerely wanted to hear his velvet voice. My heart kept up an unhealthy rhythm, and I was sure Edward could hear it. An amused smile played at the corners of his lips.

Abruptly, he stopped in his tracks. I looked at him, and he pulled me toward a sheared tree trunk. A large boulder hulked on the left of the stump. It was covered in a layer of fluffy green moss.

Edward settled onto thestump and pulled me toward him until my knees brushed against his. He seemed to reconsider, then stood and offered me the seat. I took it, and he gripped my free hand with his other hand. His cold skin sent shivers of pleasure down my spine. It felt like we hadn't been together for long, but I knew deep in my heart that I loved him. I couldn't see how he could feel the same for me, but the look in his eyes told me he loved me too.

His golden eyes bore into mine. My heart thudded in my chest.

"Bella." I stared at him intently. "Bella, I don't know how to say this." His voice was sweet like honey and smooth as velvet. I closed my eyes, relishing the sound.

He shook my shoulder gently, and I opened them.

He gripped my hand tighter, and pulled me up off the makeshift bench. He pushed against my shoulders, forcing me backward, until I felt cool stone behind my head. He stood just inches away from me. I was trapped.

He pressed his hands to the cool stone on either side of me, forming a cage with his arms. His face was just an inch away from mine. His body was so close that he would be able to feel the beating of my heart.

"Bella." He seemed to enjoy saying my name. " I can't describe . . . the feeling. It's . . . as if I could not live without you, no matter how hard I tried. I — there is no way to describe it accurately.

"I . . . I don't know how to tell you this. The only way to explain how I feel . . . I — I love you. Yes. I love you, Bella Swan." My breath caught in my throat. I hadn't been expecting this. I was elated, so much that it filled my chest. I couldn't breath; my heart seemed in shock. It did not recover it's normal rhythm.

"I want to know," he spoke again, "I want to know . . . If you feel the same way."

I was speechless. I was hoping to convey my feelings through my eyes, but Edward didn't seem to understand. Maybe my mind wasn't the only part of me that was silent. I cleared my throat, once, twice.

"I don't know how to tell you," I admitted. He looked deep into my eyes, searching.

"Try," he breathed. His cool, sweet breath blew into my face.

"I — I." I sighed. "Yes. I do feel the same about you."

Edward seemed to breath a sigh of relief. I inhaled his sweet scent. Suddenly, he froze and stepped backward. I had a strong, painful scent of deja vu. But his eyes did not harden. He looked pleadingly at my face, and I tried to reach out to him, but I was frozen. He seemed unable to move, trapped behind an invisible, immovable wall.

With a force that could have smashed a car, my head was wrenched backward. I heard the crack before I felt the pain, but when I did, tears pooled in my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. I looked up, and Edward stood five feet away, a tortured expression on his beautiful face. He seemed to be straining against an invisible force in his effort to reach me. It comforted me, knowing that he was not the one doing this. At least this would not be a frightening dream.

I absorbed all this in a split-second, and before I had time to ponder any longer, I was thrown forward, to the right of Edward. I flew through the air, twisting and writhing as my body tensed for the impact. It came much sooner than expected.

I landed on my back. I saw the stump rising up out of the ground before I hit it. I londed on top of it. It embedded itself into my lower back, creating a pain so intense I didn't have time to breath. I rolled off the stump, landing heavily on the cold ground. I lay face down in the wet bracken. I could feel the blood dripping down the back of my neck, soaking my clothes. I lifted my head painfully, searching for Edward.

He was standing about twenty feet away, facing me but still not able to escape his unseen bindings. His face was twisted in agony, and he continued to struggle. I raised a hand and reached out to him.

"Edward . . . I love you," I croaked unevenly. His eyes softened at my voice, but still he fought. I didn't know what to do. I knew I didn't much time, but that was an understatement.

I felt the beginnings of departure, and just barely had time to whisper the word "Goodbye" as the image of Edward faded into black ness.

I woke in immense pain, both emotionally and physically, lapsing in and out of consciousness. I didn't really remember anything about the day following the dream. All I knew was that I was in too much agony to get out of bed. Tears streamed continuously down my raw cheeks. I did not fight. I simply succumbed to the pain and waited for it to pass.

**This ending was much better. Sorry about all the horrifying dreams, but I'm really trying to convey how Bella is feeling. Her subconscious is more in tune to her emotions than her conscious mind is, and I want everyone to really grasp what she is going through at this point. I hope you liked it. Review, please!**


	8. Chapter 8

Charlie woke me up around ten a.m. the next morning. My eyes were fogged over from the amount of tears I had cried the day before.

As I sat up, I noticed a throbbing in the back of my head. It made no sense. The injuries I had sustained were not real; I had dreamed them. I swung my legs out of the bed and placed my feet on the cold floor. My lower back ached, to my surprise.

My feet dragged as I headed to the bathroom. I finished brushing my teeth and gazed at my reflection. I was a mess. My hair tangled in knots around my face. My skin was blotchy, and my eyes were drooping. I looked worse than I had in six months.

I decided that it was time to take a shower. The hot water flowed over my skin, unknotting my muscles. I stood in the shower for as long as possible, until the warm water ran out. Then I wrapped myself securely in tower, but not before noticing the bruise on my back.

I craned my neck, staring into the mirror. The bruise was large, about the size of a softball, residing in the center of my lower back. I pressed on it lightly, and it throbbed beneath my trembling fingers.

I reached up to stroke the back of my head, and felt a tender bump just above my hair line. My breathing hitched.

I crossed back into my room and collapsed on the bed. I lay there until goose bumps began to form on my skin.

I tore through my drawers, not caring what my fingers found. I pulled on a pair of loose jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. Then, I proceeded to wrap myself in a quilt, crossing my room to sit in the rocking chair.

I rocked slowly, hugging my chest until I began to warm up. This could not be happening. I sincerely could not make sense of anything. I breathed in slowly through my nose a few times. My head cleared, and I began to think rationally.

I must have been thrashing in my sleep. The dream _had _been disturbing enough. I concluded that I must have hit my head on the corner of my night stand. That seemed reasonable enough. But what about my back? I didn't think that my body could have been twisted so much that it collided with my bedside table. It didn't seem likely. Though, I reasoned, I could have fallen to the floor and landed on my back. I had never fallen off the bed and stayed asleep through the whole thing, but this particular dream was so intense, it actually seemed likely. I had never sleepwalked before, though, so I couldn't figure out how I got back onto the bed. Maybe this time was an exception. Things seemed to be getting stranger every day.

I was satisfied with my reasoning, so I got up and went downstairs. Charlie's note was stuck to the fridge. He was off fishing and would be back before dinner.

Of course. It was Sunday. I had wondered why Charlie hadn't woken me up at all the day before. I suddenly felt guilt wash over me. I wondered what Charlie had eaten for dinner.

I would make up for it today. I decided to make beef stroganoff, one of Charlie's favorite meals. I didn't like it much myself, but I wasn't making this dinner for my own pleasure, was I?

My stomach growled angrily, and I fixed myself a bowl of cereal. I ate mechanically, washing and drying the bowl when I was finished. I had an empty day ahead of me and I wasn't sure what to do with myself.

I settled on e-mailing Renee. I hadn't replied to her messages the past couple of weeks, and she was probably getting worried. I didn't want het to do anything rash, so I headed back upstairs.

My computer took an infuriatingly long time to warm up, and when it did, I was attacked with pop-us before I could even access my e-mail. Finally, my screen was clear, and I began typing. It was a generic message, but I hoped that Renee wouldn't notice. E-mails were easier to write because they had no emotion, and recipients had no way to see your facial expressions, your emphasis on anything. They had nothing but words, and for that I was glad. Renee would be genuinely worried if I had to speak to her in person.

I hit send, and turned off the computer. I leaned down to grab my school bag, and set it on my desk. I pulled out numerous books and papers, hoping to finish all the homework I had neglected in the past week.

Finally, I finished it all. I glanced at the clock, and it showed I had been working for more than an hour and half. Good, I thought. My day was half over, maybe even more if I went to bed early. I wasn't glad that I had to go to school tomorrow, but I was glad for the distraction. My mind had been in the past too often lately, and I needed some outside stimulation. Maybe I would go out somewhere, with Angela. Maybe we could go to Port Angeles and see a movie.

For the next two hours, I lay on my bed reading. About an hour before Charlie was supposed to get home, I went downstairs and started dinner. I had just finished with it when I heard the door open. Charlie clumped into the kitchen and smiled when he saw what I was cooking.

"Mmm, smells good," he murmured. I glanced up at his face.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I was so tired. What did you have for dinner?" I asked.

"Don't be sorry, Bella. You needed your sleep. I picked up a pizza." Charlie sat down at the table, eager. I scooped out some stroganoff onto two plates and set one in front of him. I went back into the kitchen and poured two glasses of water and gave Charlie on of those, too. Then I sat down and took a few bites. We both ate in silence for a few minutes until Charlie spoke.

"So, what did you do with yourself today?" He asked.

"Well, I e-mailed Renee."

"Good. She'll like that." He smiled up at me.

"I also finished a whole bunch of homework and relaxed a little. So, not much."

"That's okay. Everyone needs a day off once in a while," he told me. I nodded in agreement.

I cleaned up after dinner while Charlie watched a game in the living room. I sat at the table when I was done, gazing out at the dark rain, until I decided it was late enough to go to bed.

Charlie was sitting, droopy-eyed, in the recliner. I cleared my throat, and he jumped.

"Well, I'm going to bed. 'Night, dad."

" 'Night, Bells." He settled back into the recliner while I climbed the stairs.

My room was ominously dark. After what I had experienced, I was afraid of falling asleep. I wasn't sure what I would encounter when I drifted into the unknown. I waited as long as I could, sitting on my bed until my eyelids started to close involuntarily.

I got ready for bed slowly, dragging it out as long as possible. Finally, I collapsed into bed, burrowing into the covers.

My dream consisted of darkness. But, somewhere in the empty blackness, I felt cold, stone arms wrapped lovingly around me.

______________________________________________________________________________

I awoke to icy, strange shapes circled around me. I twisted, my eyes still squeezed shut, until I concluded that they were arms. But _whose_ arms? They were cold, and felt as if they were made of stone. There was only one person whose arms felt like that.

I didn't want to hope. I was afraid I was still dreaming. I was terrified that if I hoped, I would wake to find my bed painfully empty. I didn't think I would be able to handle that.

So I simply lay quietly in the cold arms of my angel. I did not hope, I only felt. And what I felt made my happy. I knew it would not last long.


	9. Chapter 9

The cold arms stayed wrapped tightly around me. I never opened my eyes. I never hoped. I focused on the places where his icy skin touched mine. I grew cold, but I ignored it. This was too precious a time to waste on silly feelings. I never moved an inch.

My body was cramped into a tight ball in the center of the bed. I finally relaxed my rigid muscles and twisted a little. The arms loosened their hold on me, enough to let me straighten out my body. Then they tightened and held me closer to a stone chest.

My heart kept up a steady rhythm, though it never slowed from its frantic pace. I lay like that, enjoying it, but I couldn't keep my eyes closed any longer.

I took a deep breath and slowly slid my eyelids apart, squinting out at my messy bedroom. The cold arms stayed around me while I took in the dark room. Finally, I couldn't fight it any longer.

I turned my head toward my left shoulder, where I felt it pressed against the cold stone chest. I didn't want to look, but I forced myself to.

Edward lay there, his eyes worried. He was more beautiful than I had remembered. It took my breath away. I had to close my eyes for a moment. I felt his arms slide away from my body. He scooted a few inches away from me, silent. He waited with breathtaking, golden eyes.

I allowed myself to hope, now. I could see him with my own eyes, and I was fairly sure he was awake, so I hoped. I hoped with the very substance of my being. I hoped with my whole heart and soul that this beautiful creature was actually here, with me. I yearned to see in his eyes that he loved me.

I turned my face toward him and spoke one quiet word.

"Edward," I breathed.

He winced as my scent floated over to him, but did not move. He leaned closer to me, his eyes smoldering.

"I'm here." I sighed as his voice washed over me. It was smoother, sweeter than it had been in my dreams. My heart pulsed painfully in my chest, though I wasn't sure why it hurt now. Edward was here. There _was _nothing to be hurt about. I should have been healed.

But I realized that a part of me still believed that he was a dream, an illusion. I tried to silence that piece of me, crush it with the image of him, here, with me. It shrank away. My heart beat sped up, strong and healthy again.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Yes?" I replied shakily. I still couldn't get over the fact that he was here.

"I love you, and I'm here. I can see you doubting my presence, but I assure you; I am here. I will be forever. Unless you decide that you don't want me, which I can understand. After all I've put you through —" I reached out to him for the first time and pressed my fingers to his lips.

"Stop. You know that I will never let you go again, right?" He looked doubting. I had to silence this fear in him. "Edward. I. Love. You. When will you ever get it into your head that I don't _want_ you to leave? I know . . . You said that you left because you're selfish, but I know that's not true. You left because of me. You left because of my weakness, my helplessness. If I were any less . . . doomed, this wouldn't be so hard on you.

"I _want_ you. I have always wanted you, and I will forever. Right now, I don't care why you left. All I care about is that you're here with me. I know you think I'm deluded, but I'm not. Really." He looked surprised that I had said so much. I was probably more surprised than he was.

I thought our reunion was going to be awkward, uncomfortable. I was surprised at how smoothly it had gone.

I dropped my hand, and he picked it up and held it in his.

"Oh, Bella. I knew you would say something to that affect. There is no point in arguing, I think. But, I _am _selfish. I'm selfish, because as much as I know it should disturb me to hear you say those words, I'm _glad_. I'm glad you feel the same for me as I do for you." He smiled my favorite crooked smile.

"We are perfect for each other," I concluded.

"I wouldn't go _that _far, but to some extent, yes. We are perfect for each other."

I pulled myself closer to him and snuggled into his chest. He slid his arms under me. He lifted me into his lap as he sat up, cradling me in his stone arms. We sat like that for what seemed hours.

Abruptly, he put his hands on both sides of my face. Oh no. I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure I was awake, but if I wasn't this was going to cause me unbearable pain.

I gave up at that point. I gave in to my feelings and let what would happen, happen. He continued to pull my face toward his until I felt his icy lips against mine.

He started off cautiously, until I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed myself even tighter to his stone body. The kiss escalated until I was gasping, knotting my fingers in his hair. He seemed resolved when he gently pushed me away.

"I love you," he whispered tenderly.


	10. Chapter 10

"So, where is your family? Are they here, too?" I asked as Edward watched me chew my cereal.

"Yes, they're all back. We're back for good." I sighed in relief at his words. He was most important to me, but when the Cullens had left, I lost my best friend, too. I missed Alice.

I finished my breakfast and cleaned my bowl while Edward hovered near me. I could feel his icy breath on my neck. He pulled me around to face him.

Edward leaned toward me, tracing my collarbones with his cold fingers. I shivered involuntarily. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his frigid lips to my throat. I gasped and my heart jumped around in my chest. He stroked my back with his hands and pulled his lips along the edge of my jaw. I shuddered with pleasure.

He tightened his hold on me, and I gasped in pain. He pulled back in surprise. My bruise hadn't quite healed, and it was still very tender. Even the lightest touch set it throbbing. It was a wonder I even got to sleep at night.

I grasped Edward's hand tightly.

"What? What is it, Bella?" he asked fiercely. I freed his hand and turned. Then I lifted my shirt a few inches so that he could see my lower back. I heard him gasp.

He was furious. "What happened? Bella, did someone hurt you?"

"No, no," I assured him. "Well, at least I don't think so."

What do you mean?" The anger was still present in his voice.

"I — I woke up and it was there. And also this." I pulled his hand up to the back of my skull and let him trace the bump there. He inhaled sharply again.

"So you have no idea how this happened?" His tone was calmer, but I still detected a hint of anger in his voice.

"Well, I have a theory. It was a . . . bad dream. And I must have been tossing and turning and hit my head on the night stand."

He looked skeptical. "What about your back?" His fingers still stroked the purple smudge on my lower back, lighter than a butterfly's wing, so that it caused me no pain at all.

"I — I think I fell. Off the bed, I mean."

"Without waking up?"

"Well, yes. I mean, it was an . . . intense dream. Maybe I was sleepwalking, and that's how I got back on the bed." He still eyed me doubtfully, but let the subject drop. I was glad.

"Can I have a minute?" I asked.

"Go ahead." He sat down at the kitchen table with an obstinate expression. I flew up the stairs and about fell on my face. When I finally got to the bathroom, and ran a brush through the tangled mess that was my hair. I straightened it out as best as I could, and proceeded to brush my teeth fiercely.

I left the bathroom and returned to Edward. He seemed to have calmed down. I grabbed his hand and smiled.

"Are you ready to go back to school?"

______________________________________________________________________________

My truck was warm compared to the torrent outside, and I cranked the heat up as high as it would go. The cold arms around my waist didn't improve my situation any, but I didn't complain.

I was still in mild shock. I was, of course, unbelievably happy, but I was also perplexed. I couldn't seem to grasp the fact that Edward was here, actually _here_; I couldn't wrap my mind around the concept. I had been alone so long that any type of company confused me, and this kind of company bewildered me even more than usual.

I had grown used to the idea that people didn't want to be around me, and I was perfectly content to stay away from other humans. But now, there was this person who actually yearned for my company. It was even more confusing to think that I did not deserve this person, that he had no right to love me as much as I loved him. I wasn't interesting, I wasn't special. And he was, in every way possible. I couldn't understand how I had obtained this degree of good fortune.

I drove to school slowly, my foot barely pressing on the gas pedal. I heard Edward sigh, but he didn't comment on my senior citizen-like driving. I wanted to prolong this moment for as long as possible. I knew it was stupid, I knew that my scent would be driving him crazy in this enclosed environment, but it didn't matter. Obviously, he cared enough to come back to me, so that meant he could probably resist my terribly delicious odor.

I parked quickly, not caring how far I was from the front doors. The longer I had to spend with Edward, the better.

He was at the driver's side before I could open the door more than an inch. He lifted me out with his hand under my elbow and took my bag for me. He slid his hand down my arm and twined his cold fingers with mine. We walked slowly but he didn't seem to mind. It was still raining so I pulled my hood up before it could soak my hair. Edward's hair grew darker as the rain seeped into it, but it only made him look more beautiful. I knew I would look like a half-drowned cat if I left my hood down, and a shot of sadness streaked through me. It didn't last long, though.

We were at the front doors then, under the plastic awning that shielded us from the pouring rain. Other kids were staring at us with wide, shocked eyes. I saw Mike Newton enter the school with an angry, surprised expression. I felt a little guilty, but it was short-lived. Edward placed his fingertips lightly on both sides of my face and pulled me toward him. My heart erupted into a frenzy, and a faint smile touched his lips.

He pressed his lips lightly to mine, and slid his arms around my waist. I shivered and stretched up on my toes to make the kiss last longer. I knew it only lasted a few seconds before Edward pushed me away, but it felt like hours. I rocked back on my heels and looked around.

Almost everyone within a ten-foot radius had stopped dead in their tracks, watching us. One girl was in the process of picking up a book, and her body was bent awkwardly in half. Edward cleared his throat, and everyone seemed to thaw out. They continued on with their business, some still glancing at Edward and I.

"I guess it _would _be a shock to see us together again," I whispered. He nodded and pulled me into the building. I shivered in the cold wind, looking around. I hadn't realized we were still outside.

The rest of the school passed slowly. I suspected it was because wherever I went, there was at least one person staring at me. If I was with Edward, it was usually more than five. Everyone had been so unaware of me for the past six months, that the unexpected attention incapacitated me. I noticed other people more than I ever had that day.

In third period, Angela spoke to me first.

"So, Edward's back?"

"Yeah," I sighed contentedly.

"You must be so happy," she stated.

"Oh, believe me; I am. More than you could ever know." She nodded knowingly, agreeing with me. Our conversations usually went like that. Only a few sentences were needed, and for that I was glad. I certainly couldn't relate to Angela, but she seemed to process my moods better than anyone else. She left me alone when I wanted to be left alone.

Finally, school was over. My face was flushed from Gym; we were doing basketball again. I hoped that Edward hadn't been listening.

He waited for me outside the locker room .I wasn't the first one out, so I imagined what he would do to the girls coming out first. They must be hyperventilating right now, I thought with a small smile on my face.

He held my hand as we walked to the parking lot. It was still drizzling, but not as harshly as this morning. The truck took a while to heat up, but finally it was warm. I pulled slowly out of the parking lot.

"Well, that was interesting, wasn't it?" He nodded silently. His eyes were pained, and I wondered what was bothering him.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I glanced at him nervously.

He turned to me, squeezing my hand. "I was just thinking. How must you feel about me, after all I've done to you? How is it that I can just waltz back into your life after all the pain I've caused you? Bella, you really are something else. I don't think anyone but you would forgive me that easily." I grimaced.

I'd always suspected as much — I did things and reacted in ways that no normal human would. Like the fact I had no natural aversion to Edward and his family. Most humans were intimidated by them. Vampires were humans' natural predators, and that's what caused the discomfort around the Cullens. Of course, I felt no such thing, but since when was I a normal human?

"Why is that?" Edward's smooth voice startled me out of my thoughts. I struggled to answer his question. I knew why I had forgiven him so easily — he was my life. If your life was taken away from, wouldn't you welcome it back with open arms if it was offered to you again. But that wasn't so easy to put into words, at least not in a way that he would appreciate. He never saw himself clearly — he thought he wasn't good enough for me. How well I knew the absurdity of that.

I began slowly, thinking through each word. "Well . . . It's hard to explain. I think it's because . . . I can't live without you. You are my life. When you left, I never blamed you for anything. I blamed myself — I guess we both have that problem. But now I understand that no one is to blame. You left because you thought it would do me good. There was no way for you to know how I would react. You know as well as anyone that I'm not a normal human, and anyone else probably would have gotten over it.

"I'm not sure if I could live through it if you left again, so will you please accept it? I almost can't explain it . . . how I took you back so easily, I mean. Can you understand that?" He had been gazing at my face the whole time I had been talking. Abruptly, he put his hand over mine on the steering wheel and pulled the truck onto the side of the road. He turned my shoulders so I was facing him and slid his hands — very gently — around my waist. He pulled me toward him until I was almost sitting on his lap. He brushed my cheek with his cold fingers and leaned in.

Once again, his icy lips were moving against mine. My hands rose and my fingers knotted in his hair. He moved his mouth down, letting me breath, though I couldn't catch my breath. I felt his lips pressing against my throat, my jaw, the hollow at the base of my throat. He held me closer to him and pulled me on top of him, placing his hands against my shoulders, though he didn't push me away. He moved his mouth back up to my lips, kissing me in earnest. I felt his mouth moving against mine furiously. He hadn't let it go this far before. My stomach cramped, full of flesh-eating butterflies.

After a minute or so, I was gasping so he moved his face down to kiss my throat. I felt his lips touching my skin all over, and suddenly his lips were on mine again. I pulled of my jacket while simultaneously trying not to create any space between us. I threw the jacket into the backseat and placed my hands on his face. He fluidly slipped off his coat, faster than I had been able to. I inhaled sharply when his hands brushed my neck, but I did not break the kiss. It kept escalating until I felt the cold stone of his bare chest under my body.

I placed my hands on his chest and pushed. He let me breath and pulled his lips down my neck to kiss the base of my throat. I gasped until I could finally talk.

"Edward," I said breathlessly.

"Yes?" he growled against my neck.

"Edward, stop. I — I don't know if I want do this right now."

"Why not?" He finally removed his mouth from my skin.

"It's not you. I just . . . want to wait until we are _completely_ sure." I tried to explain it accurately to him. As much as I wanted to, I knew this was not the right choice to make. "I'm just being responsible," I clarified.

He nodded solemnly, and slid out from under me. He sat me up in the passenger seat and placed his hands firmly on the wheel. He stared straight ahead; his face was unreadable.

"I'm sorry," I said in a small voice. He reached out to stoke my cheek.

"It's nothing you did. I was being irresponsible, to push you like that. _I'm _sorry."

"No, no," I tried to argue, but he pressed his fingers against my trembling lips. He drove the rest of the way to my house, our fingers twined together. My heart didn't slow down.


	11. Chapter 11

Edward dropped me off at my house and ran home to get his car. The few minutes I had to myself gave me time to think. I suddenly remembered; I had an unattended-to problem.

I still had to figure out what was going on with Jacob. I deliberated. Edward probably knew about whatever it was that was making Jacob anxious, and I wasn't sure if he would approve of me heading over to La Push for a quick visit. I could lie, though my skills lacked in believability. At least Edward couldn't read my mind, though my lie might make him suspicious.

I also wasn't sure if I _wanted _to spend my time with anyone other than Edward. I had just gotten him back; did I want to be separated from him for any length of time, no matter how short? I knew the answer was no, but this was something I had to do. I had to find out what Jacob's problem was. I hoped it wasn't anything to serious or sinister, but I knew that if it was, I would help Jacob in any way possible. He didn't deserve to suffer.

But what if it _was _something bad? What if Jacob was participating voluntarily in whatever was going on with him? If he enjoyed what he was doing, then what was the sense in trying to comfort him? I knew that none of my questions would be answered if I didn't go talk to him.

I decided to keep my expedition a secret from Edward. He had been gone five minutes, so that meant he would be home by now. He would probably spend a few minutes inside, then retrieve his car and drive back to Forks, another ten minutes. I figured I had fifteen minutes, tops. But then there was another problem; it took fifteen minutes to get to La Push, and my truck was definitely not a fast-moving machine. So, my brilliant plan was not so brilliant, after all.

I dashed to the phone, hoping to catch Edward while he was still at home. Esme picked up after one ring. I asked her if Edward had left yet.

"No, he's up in his room getting a few things. Would you like to talk to him?"

I wimped out. My lying skills were way too rough. "No, thanks. Could you just tell him I won't be at home when he comes back? Tell him to take his time; I'm going to make a quick visit to a friend."

Esme said she would relay the message. I hung up and ran to the door.

______________________________________________________________________________

I felt like an escaped convict as I drove to La Push. My blood pulsed violently in my veins. My nerves were frayed. I began to think about home.

I missed it; the heat, the sun, the desert, the things I was used to. I suddenly ached for Phoenix. I also thought about my mother, but soon had to stop. Thinking about her was making me depressed, and I had also arrived in La Push. I began to pay attention to my surroundings; I had only been to the Black's place once, and I wasn't sure if I could find my way on the first try.

The rain pelted loudly on the side of my trucks. The sky was an ominous grey, reminding me of what I was about to do. I wasn't very fond of confrontation; this was going to be difficult.

I finally reached the Black's house, a small red building that resembled a barn. Jacob heard the deafening rumbling of my truck and ran out to meet me before I could even cut the engine.

"Bella!"

"Hey, Jacob." My voice sounded a bit flat. I wasn't sure how to phrase my questions.

"What's up?" he asked cheerfully.

"Can I come inside?" The rain was soaking my hair and making me colder than necessary.

"Sure," Jacob replied with a slightly confused expression. He led me to the front door of his house and opened it for me. I noticed his eyes appraised with a bit more than excitement. I brushed it off and stepped inside the warm, albeit small house. Billy Black was in the process of rolling to the door, but Jacob had beaten him to it.

"Bella. How are you?" Billy asked me, a hint of surprise in his voice. He hadn't expected to see me, either.

"Fine," I answered simply.

"How's Charlie? I haven't been down to see him in a while."

"He's fine, too."Billy nodded to me and rolled back into the kitchen. I glanced around the cramped room. The floor was covered with dark carpet. A small TV with rabbit ears on top sat in the corner of the room, and a shabby love seat faced it. I noticed Jacob watching me, and turned back to him.

"So, what's up?" he repeated.

"Um, do you want to go for a walk on the beach?" I asked tentatively. I wasn't sure how he would respond. He ended up surprising me.

"Sure," Jacob said perkily.

We drove down to First Beach in my truck. It was devoid of other people, as usual, and the water was steel grey under the omnipresent clouds. I sighed when I noticed the trees moving in the wind; this was going to be a cold walk. I was glad I had worn a thick coat.

We walked side by side, the wind at our backs.

"So, how have you been?" I asked.

"Oh, pretty good. You?"

"Wonderful."

"Really?" I wondered of Charlie had gossiped about me with Billy. Jacob seemed surprised at my answer.

"Yeah. Really." I answered.

We continued with the small talk, until I'd had enough. I contemplated silently about how to phrase my question. My stomach cramped when I spoke. I didn't want Jacob to be angry with me if I offended him, so I spoke carefully.

"So . . . I noticed some strange things when you visited me last." I looked up at him, and he glanced at me incredulously. "I mean . . . It seems like something strange is going on with you."

"You're smart Bella." he stated.

I was surprised. "I'm right?" I asked breathlessly.

"Yes . . . and no."

"Oh." That changed some things. I wouldn't be able to figure it out as easily with that kind of answer. Unless he told me straight out, which didn't seem likely.

"I'm not sure if I can tell you. But you might be able to figure it out. If you tried hard enough. But I have one question: Can I trust you? I mean, completely?" His question confused me. I'd already been able to keep the biggest part of my life a secret for more than a year. No one suspected me of socializing with vampires.

"Of course." I answered swiftly.

"Okay . . . Do you remember any of the Quileute legends I told you about before?" I frowned. Of course I did. His "scary stories" had stuck with me all this time. They had also informed about what the Cullens actually were. The "cold ones," Jacob had called them.

I didn't really remember the rest of the legends; there was only one that really mattered to me.

"Yes."

"_All _of them?" Jacob asked.

"I don't know . . . Not really."

He frowned, muttering, "Yeah, I guess there's only one you care about."

"Then tell me." I demanded. He looked up in shock.

"Well . . ." he began slowly, "Quileutes are descended from wolves, and the legends say that when our natural enemy —"

"The cold ones," I whispered.

"Yes, the cold ones. When they come around, some of the direct descendants of the wolf-men actually turn into wolves."

"Like . . . werewolves?"

"Yeah, I guess that's would you would call them." he answered quietly. He stayed silent for a long moment. We had stopped walking and I was sitting on a bone-white driftwood log. Jacob stood a few feet in front of me, gazing thoughtfully out at the choppy waters.

He turned back to me, and I shivered at the expression on his face.


	12. Chapter 12

"Bella, you know . . . We really shouldn't be friends." I frowned up at Jacob, and he came to sit by me on the driftwood log.

"Why not?"

"Well . . ." He hesitated.

"Come on. You know you can trust me," I insisted. I had to figure this out. I had vague suspicions forming in my head, but they weren't set in stone. I needed hard evidence to support my theories.

"Right now, at this time in my life . . . I'm not really all that safe."

I frowned again, my brow crumpling into a frustrated line. What was he talking about? I realized that he surprisingly sounded like Edward.

"What do you mean? That you're _dangerous_? How?" I demanded.

"I'm still not sure if I can tell you. I mean, I know I can trust you and all, but . . ." He was starting to get on my nerves. All this evasiveness was irritating me.

"But what, Jacob? Come _on. _The suspense is killing me!" I was exaggerating a little, but I wanted him to get on with it.

"You know what? This is kind of a bad time. Why don't you come around some other day?" His voice whipped at me. I stood quickly and looked down at him. His eyebrows were lodged in an angry line above his deep-set, coal-black eyes. I nodded silently, and turned away from him. I wondered how he was going to get home, since I had drove him down to First Beach, and realized that my actions a minute earlier were extremely rude.

I wheeled back around and strode back to him. He was still perched sullenly on the white log.

"Do you want a ride home, or something? I asked as politely as I could manage. He jerked his head up and focused on something behind my shoulder. I turned, but all I could see were the dark green hills rising up out of steel gray waters. He continued to stare at the land behind me, even when I turned back to him. I waited.

After a minute of silence, he suddenly seemed to register my presence. He focused in on my, and shook his head. I nodded slowly, and began to walk back to my truck.

The ride home was quiet and frustrating. I couldn't believe my brilliant plan to get some answers out of Jacob had been thwarted. I fumed all the way back to Forks, where a silver Volvo was sitting in my driveway. My heartbeat immediately slowed to a normal rate, my breathing became even, and I relaxed from my rigid position.

Edward was my remedy, my soothing comfort for every disappointment, every conflict I had.

He was waiting for me in my room. His mouth was curved into a heartbreaking smile, but his eyes were hard.

"Hi," I sighed, and snuggled into his chest. He cradled me in his arms, his lips at my ear.

"I've been waiting for you." His voice was soothing, like a lullaby.

"I know. Sorry I took so long. I just had to sort some things out with . . . a friend," I finished lamely.

"And that's what I want to talk to you about." He held me away from him to look at my face. I detected a hint of disapproval in his expression. "But first," he continued, "could you go take a shower? You absolutely _reek _of werewolf."


	13. AN

**Sorry, I messed up on Chapter 12. When Jacob is with Bella at the beach, he says, "I'm not really all that safe." I forgot the "not" so it sounded like he was telling her that he was safe. He doesn't want to be friends with Bella, even thought he likes her a lot, because he knows the dangers of a young werewolf. He pushes Bella away to keep **_**her **_**safe. Just to clear that up. Anyway: Review, please!!** **And sorry I took so long to update.**


	14. AN 2

**A/N**

**Edward can only tell Bella that Jacob is a werewolf because he knows that she has already figured it out. So it's not really breaking the treaty.**

**I need your guys' help!** **I'm starting a new story, and debating giving up on Full Moon, because I'm at a writer's block. If you have any good ideas, could you leave them in a review, please? But only if you guys really want me to keep going on this!**


	15. Chapter 13

"What?" I gasped. "I was right?"

"Yes," he murmured, caressing my cheek with his cool fingertips.

"So . . . you mean, you knew, all along?" I demanded. Edward held me away from him and looked into my face, now contorted with irritation. His face was even, but I detected a hint of amusement in is deep golden eyes. I was rarely bad-tempered with Edward, and when I was, I usually had a good reason for it. But the thing that made me angrier was the fact that he never seemed to take my anger seriously. I glowered at him.

"Yes, of course. But I was bound by the treaty. I was prohibited to say a word about the existence of werewolves, just as the Quileutes are unable to tell anyone about the presence of vampires."

"But then why were you aloud to tell me just now?" I was becoming alarmed. Had Edward broken the treaty, the agreement that kept a war from taking place?

"Because you already knew. You may have forgotten, but I _can _read minds, you know. I heard Jacob replay the conversation in his mind, and I knew that he had given you a few important clues. I know you, Bella, and I knew that you would have figured it out." He smiled his beautiful crooked smile.

I relaxed a little. Well, now I knew the truth. Did it make me feel any better? I thought it was a bit too early for me to really think about that; it had barely even sunk in. I wasn't confused anymore, though, and so I moved on to more trivial subjects.

"What are we going to tell Charlie?"

"About what?"

"You coming back." I clarified. His expression became minutely worried.

"He's on his way home now. We should probably just get it over with." His voice was even, but his face told a different story.

"Aren't you worried? Charlie's bound to rip your head off — if that were even possible, I mean. He most likely despises you now."

"He has good reason to. And yes, I'm a little worried. I can't tell what his reaction will be, because he's not thinking about it right now, but I can guess it won't be pleasant. I _think _he'll probably tell me to stay away from you — ban me from the house, something of that sort. But you and I both know I won't be able to stay away." I smiled a bit at that part, but something else he had said was bothering me.

"You said before . . . that Charlie had good reason to despise you? What do you mean?" I frowned. I knew Charlie could be irrational, but I didn't expect Edward to agree with him.

"I meant that he has good reason to hate me . . . after what I did to you." I frowned again, and looked up at Edward. I thought we already covered that subject.

"I thought we already went over this. I forgive you, so there's no reason to feel bad about anything. It doesn't matter if Charlie is irrational about it, you were just doing what you thought was right. He does _not _have good reason to hate you." I glared at him. He began to open his mouth in protest, but stopped when we both heard Charlie's key turning in the door. I froze where I stood in the middle of the kitchen.

Suddenly, the door swung wide, revealing Charlie in his uniform, his gun strapped ominously to his belt. His face went from white, to red, to an unhealthy shade of purple withing seconds of sighting Edward.

"You!" he growled.


	16. Chapter 14

"What are _you _doing here?" Charlie demanded. "You have no right to be in my house."

"It's my house, too, dad! But if you treat Edward that way, it won't be much longer!" I glared at him, and his eyes widened.

"How can you just . . . just let him back in your life like that? After all he did to you?" Charlie frowned, not even glancing at Edward. The way he was talking about Edward set my teeth on edge. I frowned back at him, my mouth set in an angry line.

"I don't recall him _doing _anything. And quit talking about him like he's not there." Charlie looked confused, and slightly irritated. He glared at me once before turning to Edward.

"I'm not sure what's going on here, but I don't want Bella to move out, so you're aloud in the house." I breathed a sigh of relief. "But — there are conditions." I groaned.

"What, dad?" I whined.

He turned back to me. "No visitors after eight thirty at night, and no visitors before six o'clock. Got it? I don't want any trouble from either of you." I stood, fuming, my hands balled into tight fists. A quick glance at Edward told me he was completely under control, calm and polite as usual.

"I promise there won't be any trouble whatsoever, Charlie." Charlie glared at Edward but could not object, for his words were completely respectful and polite. My reaction was a bit different.

"What?" I demanded. "He only gets to be over here for two and a half _hours_? You've got to be joking!" Edward laid a cool hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me, but I would not be appeased. My breathing came in heavy gasps and I shot Charlie a look of death.

"That's right, Bella. Take it or leave it. It should be more than enough time." He spoke calmly now, and that made me even angrier.

"It's alright, Bella. Calm down," Edward murmured in my ear. I turned to look at him. His eyes were sad, but otherwise his expression was calm. He took his hand off my shoulder and wrapped it around my waist.

"How dare you touch her like that!" Charlie exploded. "You have no right to —"

"Dad! What are you doing? It's fine!" I interrupted him. He seemed to take a deep breath, and his purple face returned to a normal color. "Can he stay for a little bit longer, at least tonight? Please?" I pleaded with Charlie.

Charlie sighed and peered over at Edward and I. "Well . . . I guess. I was gonna head over to the watering hole with Billy. The fish are biting, I guess."

"Thanks, dad. I'll broil some fish tomorrow. You'll be eating like a king." I smiled, and he returned it with a grin.

"I like that idea. See you, Bells . . . Edward." His voice cracked on Edward's name, but I was glad he was making an effort. Charlie headed toward the door, and I glanced up at Edward for the first time in a while. His smile was heartbreakingly beautiful, and it took me a minute to remember how to breath. I heard Charlie open the front door and called out a strangled, "Bye, dad."

As soon as Charlie drove away, Edward swung me up into his arms and carried me up the stairs to my bedroom. He laid me down on the bed and went over to my CD player. He touched it for just a moment, putting in a CD, I assumed, and returned to me on the bed. The sound of my lullaby filled the room.

"That was . . . interesting." His voice was as smooth as velvet.

"That was _Charlie_. Sorry about that." I smiled sheepishly up at him.

"I forgive you."

Suddenly, Edward's lips were on mine, urgent and gentle at the same time. He hadn't kissed me like this since . . . I thought back to earlier that day, in my truck, and it brought a blush to my cheeks. He chuckled, and I wondered if he could read my mind, after all. At that moment, all I knew was that he was everything and anything I would ever need. I would never want anything but Edward, no matter how long I lived.


	17. Chapter 15

Edward kissed me until I was gasping. Finally, he broke off with a crooked smile on his face.

"Honestly, though. Go wash your hair." He stared intently into my eyes. I tried to disengage myself, pulling out of his arms.

"Okay. You wait here." He nodded and I went off to the bathroom with my bag of toiletries. The water was warm and it calmed my aching muscles. My mind lingered on Edward's face. It still seemed like a dream that he had come back. I knew it was real, but it seemed so dreamlike that I was dazed.

I finally climbed out of the shower and got dressed. When I went back to my room, Edward was sitting on my bed, motionless as a statue. His face softened when he saw me. I went over to him and climbed in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips to my damp hair.

"You stayed." I sighed dreamily.

"Of course," he whispered. "I'm here as long as you want me."

"I'll always want you," I warned him.

"I know," he sighed. "As much as that should bother me, I'm glad you feel that way." I frowned.

"Why should it bother you, that I'll want you forever?"

"Because I'm not good for you. But I know you don't agree, so there's no use arguing." There was sadness in his voice. He honestly believed that he was not good enough for me. How absurd.

"You're right. I don't agree, because that's not true. It's the other way around," I said stubbornly. He sighed, but said nothing. I folded my arms across my chest. I knew I had not won the argument, only that he had decided not to continue speaking. I knew that if he had decided to argue with me, he would have undoubtably won.

"So, what do you want to do now?" he asked. I deliberated. I would not have objected to kissing him again, but I suspected he wouldn't want me to get carried away. My stomach growled angrily, and Edward smiled.

"Dinner time?" he asked solicitously. I smiled at him, and made my way downstairs. He was right behind me, his hand latched onto mine. I marveled at the cool miracle of his skin, still breathless at his beauty.

I flitted around the kitchen, heating up some leftover lasagna for myself. I glanced at the clock. It read six thirty; Charlie would be home soon, so I cut a portion of lasagna and warmed it up for him. I sat down at the table across from Edward and took a few bites. The food tasted good in my empty stomach. Edward watched me intently.

"Bella, would you like to stay at my house tonight?"


	18. Chapter 16

"Like . . . to stay the night?" I asked him, my eyes wide. If I were to spend the night at his house, I would undoubtedly sleep in his bedroom. I couldn't help hoping for what that might lead to, even thought it was completely unrealistic. Edward and his rules . . .

"If you want. But I thought you might want to see my family. I know you miss Alice." He smiled slightly.

"That's true. But what about Charlie?" I frowned, wondering how we were going to get away with this.

Edward's smiled widened. "That wouldn't be a problem. It's called sneaking out after your parents are asleep . . . Unless you want to sleep in your own bed tonight." That was unusual. Edward was trying to convince me to stay the night at his house. Not that I didn't want to sleep in his bed, but it was odd behavior for him. He was usually annoyingly mature about things like that.

"Of course I'd like to go to your house. I've missed Alice so much." I frowned again. "But . . . you don't have a bed in your room." Edward didn't sleep, so there was no reason for a bed to be in his room.

"I do now. I figured that since we've been apart for so long — " he grimaced, "— you would be spending more time than usual at my house." He reached out to grasp my hand, and my heart reacted violently to his touch.

"Well, I guess it's all settled then." I smiled involuntarily. I was quite excited at the thought of seeing my vampire family. This surprised me — even after all those months, I still thought of them as my family. I wasn't exactly ecstatic to see Rosalie, Edward beyond beautiful sister, but that didn't matter so much. At least I'd be with Edward.

The fact that he was here, with me, still pleasantly bewildered me. I was so overcome with joy that I couldn't speak for a moment, and my heart felt like it was about to explode in my chest.

Edward looked toward the front door. "What is it?" I asked.

He glanced back at me with wary eyes. "Charlie's home, and I'm sure he won't be pleased to see that I'm still here. I'd better go." My eyes widened and my breath caught in my chest. I had just gotten him back; what if he disappeared again.

He took in my expression for a moment. "It's alright. I'll be in your room later."

"How much later?" I asked worriedly.

"An hour?" I threw a frantic glance at him. He sighed.

"A half-hour then. Just tell Charlie you have homework or something. But we _can't _be caught," he said fervently.

"Why?"

He smiled a bit. "I have a feeling that any shenanigans would send Charlie over the edge. He probably wouldn't let me in the house again if he found us on your bed." He chuckled.

Hmm. _On my bed_, I mused. What would Charlie see us doing on my bed? I was suddenly caught up in a dizzy spin of fantasies, all of which involved me, Edward, and a bed.

But my imagination was getting out of hand. Edward would never let it go tat far. I sighed, and Edward studied my face with a worried expression.

"Go," I said, "before Charlie walks in and has a heart attack when he sees you." Edward leaned to kiss me lightly on the lips, before moving his mouth to press his cool lips to my forehead. Then he stood with a resigned expression, squeezed my hand once, and disappeared. I sighed again. It had been three seconds and I missed him already.

I continued to munch on my dinner while I heard a key turning in the front door. Charlie walked in and hung his coat up, glancing around the house as if making sure it was empty.

"Hey, Bella." Charlie's voice was oddly cheerful, in contrast with my mood.

"Hi, Dad," I said glumly. His worried eyes flashed to my face, so I tried to smooth out my expression. I stood up from the table and got his dinner from the kitchen counter. He sat down at the table while I poured a glass of milk and set his plate in front of him.

"Thanks, Bells," he said appreciatively. I sat down across from him and began glugging down my glass of milk. When we were done, I went to the sink to do the dishes while Charlie watched TV. I glanced at the clock on the microwave frequently. When it was almost late enough for bedtime, I headed upstairs. Charlie grunted, so I told him I had some homework to finish, and that I was going to turn in early.

My room was empty when I reached it, but not for long. Edward flew in through the window, startling me. He gathered me in his arms and kissed the top of my head.

"I missed you," he whispered.

"Me, too." I smiled in the darkness while he tugged me to the bed. I curled up in his lap and leaned my head against his chest. He twined my fingers with his and stroked my hair with his free hand. This was my paradise.


	19. Hiatus

**So sorry, all you Full Moon fanatics! But I'm putting it on hiatus (that means on hold) for a while. That also means I won't be updating for a while, too. I kind of feel like the story is going nowhere; it's kind of just a bunch of fluff and plot-less junk (I'm really hard on myself). So I'm pausing it for a while, to see if I can make it better. Maybe a break will help, maybe not. But I have to try. I promise that I will update, just not in the near future.**

**Now for the good news! I'm working on a new story! Yay! I'm thinking about putting up the first chapter tonight. But don't expect updates every two days. I have a really busy life, so I can't write every day. I also have this thing called **_**inspiration **_**once in a while, and it comes and goes. Sometimes I feel like I can write something good, and sometimes not. I try not to force myself to write if I'm not feeling it (imagine forcing yourself to throw up). So, I hope you like it. I myself think it's good, and that's saying something. My new story's tentative name is Your Guardian Angel. Enjoy!**


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